Sunday, January 27, 2013

One shaky step at a time...

     First let me share my appreciation for the condolences offered by family and friends. It's been a challenging time, and frankly there are still days I just don't want to get up. But I do and I will continue to do so because not only is that who I am, but I too often run out of pillows and blankets for my blanket forts and must go to work (day job) to provide more. (lol)

     On the development front I don't have much to report, sadly. These last couple months knocked me on my butt and I have had some challenges gaining any true traction. On a positive note, I did repair my development computer (for now) and once again have access to all those original files. That being what it is, and the feedback received through the demo, I am somewhat hesitant to pursue that route and maintain the original files. I believe that the story itself is valid, perhaps not as much fun as some of the other stories that have surfaced in recent months/weeks as I've tried to re-kindle the passion I had for this work.

     On that note, I feel that I/we (Game Crossing Studios), am/are at a cross-roads and must make a decision that will either be the retooling of our current story, or moving beyond this portion of the grand scheme and launch us into a new/fresh project with the option of telling the back story in a future game much the way Star Wars had been done, or many of the video game stories (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider) have been done of late. I openly admit that this line of thinking has not been passed through other development team members, so I apologize if this catches any of them at a loss for words. By all means, please share your thoughts here on the blog comments either in favor or against. As it stands, I've considered my options and looked at other career paths that I could walk down. I've debated joining the National Guard, becoming a teacher at a local private school, and a host of other options. None of them what I always thought I wanted, but each of them appeared to be a part of who I am. I could easily see myself in any of the roles that I considered. But while they are solid and admirable positions and professions I don't know that I would ever have the passion that would help me be great at any of them.

     I love games. It's been hard to want to play anything, or do anything. But in the last day or so I picked up a game just to pass the time and it helped. I heard there is going to be an exhaustive study into the correlation between violent games and violent gun crimes committed after playing such games. For every study that says video games cause harm to societies youth and populous, I used to rely on other studies that said they help in some cases. Now I have my own words to say that I feel games have helped me. Luckily I have a good support system and all of that as well, but in dealing with the grief it wasn't until I stepped into a fictional world and played for a couple hours that I started to feel a little like the me I was before the funeral. A different me, obviously. A version of me that has a heavier view of mortality than before, but with games I am a version of me that smiles more and is more apt to play a card or board game with my kids than I was a week or so ago.

     So while it's been a challenge to develop the desire to look at a keyboard and think about coding, scripting, or creating any sort of game assets, I'm a gamer. Making games is what I do, it's part of who I choose to be. I guess the hurdle to get over now is deciding which game to make right now. Be patient and stick around, we may be small and have a history of striking out, but one of these times we're gonna knock it outta the park, and you're all going to want to see that one.

LIVE life.

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